Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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