Your tits are I can't wait for
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
