Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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