I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
