Someone shit on the floor
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
