Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
