I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
