So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
