If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
