Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
