He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Randomize
