This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
