He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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