Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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