Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She even gives head with a lisp.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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