M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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