I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
