ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
