Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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