I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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