that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
