I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my shit smells like andre
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
