i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize