Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
