I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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