NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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