Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
