too bad you live with your parents still
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
