I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
