i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
