ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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