what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
