week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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