She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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