Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
