i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
After tacos, we're chasing women.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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