Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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