dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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