i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
