He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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