She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
