census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
