New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
