I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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