Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
