I am in a vortex of obligation.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
