I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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