I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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