I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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