I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
