I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
