Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
