Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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