Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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