Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize