Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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