you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize