literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
