I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize