How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
