I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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