He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
