after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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