No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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