I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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