I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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