the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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