matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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