I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
