small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
