You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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