so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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