Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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