Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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