Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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